


Pondering

by uniquepov



Series: Lewis: The World, Transformed [13]
Category: Lewis (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-31
Updated: 2013-01-31
Packaged: 2017-11-27 15:27:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/663572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uniquepov/pseuds/uniquepov
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James has nothing but unanswered questions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pondering

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Lewis, Hathaway, or any of the others; only the plot is mine, and I make no profit from these scribblings. I'm just playing in Colin Dexter's sandbox for a while.
> 
> _“The moment you have in your heart this extraordinary thing called love and feel the depth, the delight, the ecstasy of it, you will discover the world, transformed.”_ ~~ Jiddu Krishnamurti

Everything about Dr Keeley had bothered James. Not just her attitude towards him – although he _was_ meanly satisfied over Innocent’s correction of her mistaken assumptions about the _nature of his relationship_ with Robbie. But honestly, her entire bearing had screamed entitlement and arrogance, and it had rankled him. 

_Robbie would’ve disliked her on sight,_ James thought, and he sucked in a startled breath as the next thought occurred to him. _I wonder if he could hear her? Hear what’s been happening?_

James pondered that. He’d been operating on the vague assumption that Robbie was aware of his presence; that on some level Robbie was tuned in to his surroundings. Why else had he kept up a running monologue beside Robbie’s still, silent form? It pained James to think that Robbie had been listening to Dr Keeley’s vitriol. He’d just begun to show signs of improvement; hopefully the onslaught of negativity wouldn’t have set Robbie’s progress back.

James dropped himself into the visitor’s chair and scooted closer, so that he could lean forward and rest his elbows on the bed. Without conscious thought, he scooped up Robbie’s hand and held it tightly with both of his. 

“Sir-“ James broke off and took a deep breath. _Courage, man._

“ _Robbie_. I don’t know how much of that you heard, but… well. I’m sorry you had to hear any of it, really. Although you’d very likely have enjoyed our fearless leader’s display of authority.” James gave a wry chuckle. “I must admit, it was pleasant not to be on the receiving end, for a change.”

James lapsed into silence as he contemplated what to say next. 

“I wanted-“ James paused, his thumb idly stroking along the inside of Robbie’s wrist. What did he want? Robbie to wake up? Of course, but he’d said that innumerable times already. 

Answers. What he really wanted was answers to the countless questions swirling around his brain like a maelstrom. 

Why was he down as Robbie’s next of kin?

Why had Robbie’s eyes sought his own in those final few precious seconds?

Why had every shared glance, every conversation, every meaningful look he had ever shared with Robbie suddenly taken on enormous significance?

Why?

The sound of his own voice in the stillness startled James. He’d spoken the last question aloud.

“Why?” he repeated. “We’re partners; best mates, even. Why didn’t you tell me you’d put me down as your emergency contact? Why is everyone so quick to assume there’s more to our relationship than there is? Dr Hobson, the hospital staff, that obnoxious Dr Keeley… even Innocent seemed willing to believe there was something between us.”

James took a deep breath, forcing himself into a shaky calm. “Is it true? Do you have… do I mean more…? I wish you’d wake up and talk to me!”

He pressed Robbie’s palm against his cheek and held it there, nuzzling lightly against the cool, slightly damp skin.

“Why have you left me to deal with this all on my own?”


End file.
